Love Me Like You Love Her
by Gemology
Summary: Amethyst would do anything to help comfort the gem she loves. Even if it means putting aside her own feelings to help her precious perfect Pearl.
1. Chapter 1

"Amethyst, could you just-" The purple gem turned to face Pearl, and at that Pearl looked away quickly, looking very flustered. Pearl hadn't spoken to her in days, but it was easy for Amethyst to guess why that had now changed.

Amethyst turns away, grimacing. She knows what this is about. But Pearl has to work up the nerve to tell her. Every time it's the same thing. Pearl walks slowly, she doesn't make eye contact, she rubs her hands together. Yes, it only means one thing, but Amethyst is going to make her say it.

"Could you..." She bites her lip, she runs a hand through her hair, she rubs the back of her neck, she finds something in the room to get distracted by. Amethyst ignores her, waiting for her to muster up the nerve to actually make the request she already knows is coming.

"Could you be Rose again today?" There it was. The same thing she'd been asking intermittently for weeks. It was like Amethyst was some play thing. Like some circus animal. _'Okay Amethyst, time to perform your one trick! Time to shapeshift!'_

It was really unbelievable how inconsiderate Pearl was. For days, Amethst indulged her, and still Pearl couldn't see the reason why. Did Pearl really think that Amethyst was just here at her disposal, to please her and not ask for anything in return?

But she hadn't asked for anything in return, and she wouldn't. Any moment of time she could get to spend with Pearl was indescribable, and she'd continue to play games with Pearl if it meant being together. Even if Pearl was selfish. Even if the pale gem was only in it for herself. For Amethyst, being near her was enough. Oh yes, she'd be a one trick pony, as long as it took.

Amethyst slapped a smile on her face like she always did in these situations, which seemed to be occurring more and more frequently. "Sure P. Whatever you need." Couldn't Pearl see that there was nothing more Amethyst wanted than to please her? She was willing to give up time and energy to make Pearl happy, but all Pearl cared about was trying to bring her precious Rose back to life.

Pearl gave a sigh of relief. She shouldn't have been surprised that Amethyst agreed to portray their former leader. Amethyst had never said "no" before, and she wasn't intending to in the future. For once, Pearl was finally asking to spend time with her. The circumstances were not ideal, but Amethyst was used to disappointment in her life.

For Pearl, she'd do anything to make her happy. Yes, they fought a lot, and Amethyst was often the cause. She didn't like making Pearl upset, and yet, if Pearl wasn't speaking to her, it made it all the easier to ignore the nagging feeling inside of her, the feeling that she might actually like Pearl more than a friend.

It was frustrating to have such feelings for someone she had thought she disliked so much. There was so much they disagreed on, and yet Amethyst knew that if Pearl really truly asked her, she'd give up her bad habits and annoying ways. She would change for Pearl, be better for her. She could do it, if she really tried.


	2. Chapter 2

Pearl lays her head on Amethyst's chest. She's crying, she's crying and Amethyst wants nothing more than to comfort her. She wishes that Pearl could take comfort in her in her original form. Being Rose, this felt like a lie. It felt _sick_. It felt like a dishonor to their mentor, to their friend. But Amethyst was so desperate for affection from Pearl, and Pearl was so desperate to have Rose back, that they would both risk feeling guilty over giving this moment up.

Amethyst doesn't want to say anything, and spoil the moment. She wishes she could explain how she feels, but she knows that that isn't what Rose would say. She doesn't know what Rose would say, and anyway, her voice doesn't sound like Rose's. But she wants this moment to be perfect, for her perfect Pearl.

Pearl lays there for several moments, imagining that she is back with Rose. Back before Steven, back even before Greg. Right after the war, when it was just the two of them. Earth was safe, the Homeworld gems had retreated, and everything was fine. Everything was perfect.

After she gets comfortable, Pearl leans up, and Amethyst looks down, and their lips lock. They press together, but it doesn't feel right. This isn't what she wanted. And at the same time, it's all she ever wanted. Why was this so confusing? She was getting to kiss Pearl, Pearl was getting to kiss Rose-total win-win all around, right? Amethyst hopes she's doing it right. But she wishes she could be doing it as herself, and not have to think about it so much.

A few minutes of passion later, and Pearl pulls away, all too soon for Amethyst. Amethyst wishes this could go on for hours. Their hands and eyes lock, and for a brief second Pearl forgets that the gem before her isn't Rose. But as soon as her eyes refocus on the purple skin and hair, she's brought back to reality, and the illusion she desperately asked Amethyst to portray.

Pearl lays in her lap. The scenario is over. The moment is gone. Amethyst is sure she did something wrong again. She should have said something. She should have held Pearl differently. Rose and Pearl's relationship had been so deep, spanning thousands of years. How could she ever hope to measure up to something like that? She wants to cry herself, but she knows Rose wouldn't cry at a time like this. She would be strong, for her friend, for her _companion_.

She'll play Pearl's games. She'll play for all the affection she can get. She's secretly in love, and love can make any creature do crazy things. She's lovesick, that's what it is, and until Pearl returns her sentiment there is no cure.

"You can't tell Garnet about this." Pearl says through sniffles. It's the same thing she says every time, every time they play this game. Why doesn't she just ask Garnet for help? Why doesn't she just ask the real Amethyst for help?

But Amethyst replies, the same way she always does. "I know, P." The illusion is gone. No longer does she need to use Pearl's full name, as Rose always would have. Though she keeps up the shape of Rose, she's slipping back into her Amethyst-isms.

And it hurts, it hurts all over, for both of them, for entirely different reasons. Amethyst, longing to be accepted by Pearl for herself, and Pearl, forever pining for Rose, every part of her begging for one last moment with the pink gem. Both are in the game for different reasons, but neither would ever be satisfied.


	3. Chapter 3

This is not the only time they've played this game. There are many more scenarios and stories that Pearl has brought forward for Amethyst to act out. Amethyst never asks if the her requested performances are historical or fictional. She often wonders if this was really what Rose and Pearl's relationship was like, or merely what Pearl could only wish it was.

Amethyst sometimes suspects that Pearl is attempting to recreate fantasies that were never possible with Rose. Events and actions which never occurred between the two, but that Pearl longed for anyway. She wonders if some of the fantasies might be those which she wishes to share with the real Amethyst, but is too embarrassed to say so. It's a small inkling of hope that Amethyst dare not inquire about, for fear that it was not true.

They were both a bit delusional. They were both looking to gain something that neither could give. Pearl, longing for her departed friend, and perhaps lover, and Amethyst, wishing she could have had what Rose did. Neither is satisfied with the way things are, but their longing is so great that they'll keep trying. They'll keep playing games, continuing the charade, keeping up appearances.

The charade goes on for weeks. Any time she needs, Pearl calls on Amethyst. Amethyst is always there to oblige, even if she isn't happy about it. But she puts on a smile, for Pearl. She puts on whatever emotion Pearl chooses that day. She does anything and everything Pearl asks, to the best of her abilities.

She has already begun changing herself for Pearl, trying to show that she is different. She wants to be accepted by all the Crystal Gems, but most importantly Pearl. She tries to shrug off her childish and uncouth ways, to "grow up!" as Pearl calls it. She'd made her clothing symmetrical, trying appeal to Pearl's love of perfection. She wants to show Pearl that she can be different for her. She may not be Rose Quartz, but she can still love and fight and care just as hard.

Neither of them talk about their playtime outside of it. It seems they both share the same goal in not letting Garnet find out. It has crossed both their minds that she probably knows already, but if she's not saying anything about it, they won't bring it up. They've all been quiet and pensive when on missions. Steven carries the conversation, and they're glad for a break in the silence.

But the times when Pearl calls upon Amethyst seem to be getting more and more frequent, and it's really starting to wear on the purple gem. But she doesn't say anything, because she doesn't want to upset Pearl. She just wants to keep playing along, because at least then Pearl is paying attention to her. Amethyst can pretend that Pearl actually cares about her, and not just Rose.

Deep down, Amethyst knows that she'll never be good enough. She knows that she was born broken, born imperfect. Born a bad gem and a parasite. It was only through dumb luck, and the love of Rose Quartz, that she hadn't been destroyed the moment the Crystal Gems found her. If Pearl had had her way, that's what would have happened. Amethyst just knows it.

When things are held inside, someone is bound to break. Pearl isn't always happy with how Amethyst portrays Rose, but she keeps her mouth shut, trying to ignore how wrong she gets it, how much she doesn't understand what they had. And Amethyst, doing her best to ignore her feelings for Pearl, but whenever they're finished she retreats to her room and screams and throws things out of frustration.

And eventually, things do turn out badly. The false relationship that the two were attempting to maintain could in no way last forever. It was built on lies and deceptions and pretending. Pretending to like each other, pretending to get along, pretending to be something they were not. Bottled up emotions are never healthy, and eventually the pressure will cause a person to explode. The outcome is never appealing.


	4. Chapter 4

Pearl yells at her again. "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!" Amethyst takes a deep breath, trying to ignore her frustration. They've been at this for hours now. She even practiced beforehand, so this would be perfect for Pearl. But she's still _wrong_. She's not Rose Quartz, she's Amethyst, and all she wants to be with Pearl is herself.

"Tell me what to do!" Amethyst begs. She wants to do this for Pearl, and it's just not working. She's not giving Pearl what she wants. She doesn't understand the relationship Pearl and Rose Quartz has. She's struggling to replicate a scene that Pearl presented her with. She's trying to do everything Pearl says correctly, down to a T.

Pearl has just gotten angrier and angrier as the afternoon has worn on. Amethyst could really use a mission right now. She could really lay into some gem monsters. But she stays, because she cares for Pearl, and she wants to do this right. She can get this, she just has to try harder.

"It doesn't make sense if I have to TELL YOU what to do!" Pearl shoots back. Amethyst winces. It's not her fault she can't get it right. She didn't get to spend 5000 years getting to know everything about Rose Quartz. Pearl knew Rose a whole lot better than Amethyst ever knew her, and it seemed to be glaringly obvious from the way Pearl was berating her performance.

"JUST TRY HARDER!" Pearl is still yelling. Amethyst will never please her. Amethyst realizes this right at that moment. She realizes this is a waste of her Pearl is a waste of her time. Pearl could never love a reject like Amethyst. Why should Amethyst have to play Pearl's sick games just to vye for attention from someone who normally wouldn't give her the time of day?

"I HAVE BEEN TRYING!" Amethyst yells back, because she's angry too now. She's angry that she wasted so much time on Pearl. "I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR YOU THIS WHOLE TIME!" Pearl never cared for her, and she never would. Pearl would always care for Rose Quartz, and Rose Quartz alone. Amethyst didn't have to take crap from Pearl. She had nothing to prove to the white gem.

"I'll never make you happy!" The Rose Quartz transformation is slowly shrinking, as Amethyst fades back into herself. "You only ever talk to me when you need a Rose Quartz stunt double!" Amethyst has pent up these thoughts in herself for weeks. Every time Pearl has asked, it's grated on her nerves, finally causing her to snap.

"Why can't I be good enough-" A sob escapes Amethyst throat, as she transforms back into her normal self. Tears have filled the corners of her eyes, and all Pearl can do is stand in silent shock. "-as me?" She stands there for a moment, perhaps hoping for an answer, or apology. But then she decides she doesn't want to be in Pearl's presence anymore, and she flees. She runs, back to her piles of junk and garbage. At least junk and garbage never hurt her feelings. At least junk and garbage was more of a constant than her so called "friends". And at least junk and garbage wouldn't judge or try to change her.

A few seconds too late, Pearl calls out for Amethyst. But Amethyst ignores her. It's too late for apologies. After everything Pearl had put her through, none of it had been worth it. Pearl was still the same selfish gem she had always been. All of the games, all of the transformations, all of the acting-it had all been for Pearl's amusement, and hers alone.

Pearl goes back to her room to console herself. She'd been grieving for Rose Quartz ever since her passing. They'd spent thousands of years together. They'd fought a war together. Pearl had given up everything for Rose Quartz, and now the one person she had to live for was gone. Perhaps it was time to move on, and find a new cause to live for. Pearl secretly hopes that Amethyst will appear from one of the puddles, smiling her goofy grin and making some kind of joke. Maybe then, Pearl could apologize.


	5. Chapter 5

Amethyst doesn't leave her room for days. Steven worries, but Pearl tells him not to. And he trusts Pearl. Garnet doesn't say anything, and she seems to be out on missions a lot more. Maybe she's decided this is a battle Amethyst and Pearl have to figure out for themselves. Maybe she's tired of their ridiculous antics. Maybe she's known about their conspiracy all along.

For the first few days, all Pearl does is fume and mope. At first, she'd felt just the smallest bit guilty, but so absorbed was she with herself and her grief, that she didn't blame herself for long. She unfairly blames Amethyst for messing things up, for not being perfect, for never getting her Rose Quartz impression quite right.

She tries desperately to shift her focus to something other than the incident. During the day, she can busy herself with cleaning, and teaching things to Steven and Connie. But when night falls, Steven sleeps, and Connie goes home, and Garnet isn't around and there are no distractions. Pearl tries sparring with her holograms, reading, re-organizing her room, and checking on the Homeworld warp pads. But trivial tasks only take so long, and without Amethyst more difficult missions are out of the question.

It finally hits Pearl how irrational she's being. How could she let someone that she considered a friend, a fellow Crystal Gem, give in to her every inclination without ever asking anything in return? Her heart sinks when she realizes her folly. Amethyst has never once complained, never once denied Pearl her whims. She's been at Pearl's beck and call every time she's requested.

Pearl's been selfish, and she knows it now. She knows that she'll never get the years spent with Rose Quartz back, and Amethyst will never make them real. It occurs to Pearl just how hard Amethyst has tried, how much time and effort she's put into the scenarios that Pearl has presented her with.

Pearl thought that she had been putting in an enormous amount of effort by writing scripts and re-creating locations, but she'd never considered how much Amethyst might have practiced. How uncomfortable it must have been for all those hours, to be denied her true form, and forced to take on that of one she had also loved.

Pearl finally breaks. She finally realizes all the torture she has put Amethyst through, all for her own gain. Amethyst has never once complained, though she's had good reason to. Pearl has been picky and inconsiderate. She's let her friend down. She's been uncaring, and right now she knows that this is never something Rose Quartz would have wanted. She knows if Rose were here, she'd be sorely disappointed. She knows that if Steven was aware of the situation, he'd be disappointed too. If Garnet didn't know already, she'd be furious.

She feels sorry for all the times she's considered Amethyst a bad gem because of her origin. Even if she's never said it, sometimes it was what she believes. It was part of what made it so difficult to get along with Amethyst. Pearl had treated her well while Rose Quartz was around because Rose had vouched for her. Now, Garnet or Steven had to, many times, break up fights between the two. Pearl had treated her so poorly, and truly Amethyst had only ever treated her with kindness unless she felt threatened. Could she really be blamed for trying to defend herself? Pearl realizes that perhaps she is the one who is always starting the fights, and Amethyst is usually innocent.

She is shocked at her own behaviour. Amethyst never deserved the way Pearl had treated her. She'd done nothing but try to be nice, to fit in, to be a real Crystal Gem. Rose was really the only one that had actually taken the time to get to know her, to comfort her when she was feeling down, and to make her feel like one of the family. Since her departure, Pearl had done almost nothing but criticize and complain about the way Amethyst ate, dressed, behaved, and fought. Any little thing that she could find to nitpick, she had. She never would have let herself behave in such a way while Rose was present.

There was no reasonable excuse, other than that she was looking for someone to lash out at, to be angry at, because she could never be angry at Rose, alive or deceased. So she'd used Amethyst as an emotional punching bag, for years, and was only now coming to terms with that fact. A guilt welled up deep inside Pearl, so much so that she felt sick. She _was_ sick, treating Amethyst so poorly. Forcing her to play such games. She knew she had to make things right. It was time to make amends.


End file.
